I cant be simply forget it

I am so lonely right now. I need somebody to talk to. Someone that can make everything okay again. My tears is falling down and no one is here to wipe it away. I don't know what I'm really feeling right now. I'm so confused. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm tired of this. I'm sick of all the dramas. Sometimes, I just want to go far away where no one can find me and live happily with no burdens in my head, where my heart won't aches again. I want everything to be okay again, I just want a happier life. Is that too much to ask for? Sometimes, I feel that I'm caught in the situation and everything will be blame on me. Sometimes, people just takes me for granted. I tried to be nice and be good to people but in the end I'm the one who's ending up hurting. Why is that? Where did I went wrong? I never had any bad intentions towards people but I don't know, why people keeps on trying to hurt me again and again. Am I a bad person? Maybe this is the way to pay all my debts for what I've did wrong, for all the mistakes that I've done for the past couple of years. I know that I've not really been a really good daughter to my parents. I know that I've hurt them so many times. I think this is why all of this happening to me. I've hurt my parents and now the world is hurting me. I'm deeply sorry, ibu and ayah. I know I've hurt you guys a lot and you guys don't deserve that. But, sometimes I don't know how to reach out to you guys. I've been through a lot since I was a child and you guys know that. The scars run deep and maybe you guys didn't notice that. I've been through a lot as a child. I had to adapt all the things that wasn't supposed to be happening to me at that young age. Maybe, this is the way I expresses things. I don't really say it but I show it. You guys might not realized it but to be the only daughter and went through all of that wasn't easy. So, rebelling was the solution for me. Maybe that's the way of me getting rid of my grives. I've put all that things behind me but is not that easy to forget and just pretend that I don't really care. Sometimes, it makes me cry thinking back to the time all of it was happening and it was awful. I never want to be caught up in the situation again. I never really open up about this to anyone because to me it's really personal and that's why I kept it to myself all this time. Holding back all along wasn't easy to me and I need you guys to understand that. I know that everything has changed and it's not as it used to be anymore but bad memories never go away that easily. It takes courage and strong will to really put all the things behind you. People make mistakes and so do you guys and I forgave you guys for that I just never forget it. I hope that someday I can completely put all of this behind me and just move on. But, whatever it is all I want for both of you to know that I loved you guys to death. I'll love you guys no matter what because without you guys I will never be here. Whatever you guys did was in the past and what past is past. But I will never forget about it , Give me time ! That all I need now.